When the Canary Died
by paperflowers
She asked me Why are you crying? and I said maybe because you were never there when I needed you. You weren’t there when I needed someone to hold and even now you don’t realize that I’ve been sitting in my room for so long that my mind has turned to slush and my body to dust and my heart scattered among the pine needles that coat the ground of the park behind our house. My hands shake when I type my essays and applications and projects into my computer and they shake when I write math problems one after another after another. My eyes hurt and my head hurts; the other day I hit myself on the head over and over and over and I cried not because it hurt but because everything is moving so fast that I thought maybe if I turned my head off then things would slow down. But you didn’t notice then and you don’t notice now, and I don’t think you realize that it’s been months or maybe even years since I put my head on your shoulder. The last time I did that I must have been so young… so, so young and I don’t understand why I don’t do it anymore but maybe it’s because neither of us knows how to show that we love each other. You tell me I don’t have any time to watch these videos but all I hear is I don’t have time and that thought crushes me from the inside out because it feels true even though it shouldn’t. Maybe you don’t see these things and maybe that’s why you carry on as if I’m okay and no one stops to think that maybe the canary has died and it’s time we stopped mining for coal.
Breathing Steady yet out of breath
by Anna Dobbelare
In and out in and out in and out faster faster faster
Where are we going? How do we get there?
Light breeze, fresh air
Peace can wait until after
Slow it down that's all I want
Up all day, up all night
Barely awake yet sleep is a struggle
Worry, worry: where are we going?
How do we get there?
Faster faster; slow it down
When will it end? Breaks help only as long as they last.
Don't be left behind
Time is going by
Really, what will you spend it on?
And what will I regret
Where are we going? How do we get there?
Light breeze, fresh air
Peace can wait until after
Slow it down that's all I want
Up all day, up all night
Barely awake yet sleep is a struggle
Worry, worry: where are we going?
How do we get there?
Faster faster; slow it down
When will it end? Breaks help only as long as they last.
Don't be left behind
Time is going by
Really, what will you spend it on?
And what will I regret
Into the Golden Sunrise
by Matthew Yu
With a sigh of distaste, Val cast her pen down. The more she thought about it, the darkness seemed to have weight. The light of the lamp on her stout wooden desk seemed a feeble resistance against so great a force. Shapes began to shift in the darkness and assume ghostly forms: stars dancing, lions growling, fire weaving. She shook her head, rubbed her eyes, and silently reprimanded herself for staying up so late again. The heap of papers lying on her desk still needed signing, but she stood up anyways and began the lonely trek to her quarters.
As she shuffled along the pitch dark corridors she knew so well, her mind began to wander. Images of her childhood—40 years past now—danced through her mind. She recalled her brother's gentle teasing, her father's smiling face, swimming in the river, and the roar of the crowd as she looked upon them with a delicate golden crown nestled in her brown hair. She had been so excited and so innocent back then—hardly aware of the nauseating monotony of paperwork and meetings. As she reached the stairway, the walls seemed to close in. Her heart rate picked up as she imagined the feeling of being crushed between the cold stone walls of the hallway, unable to breath, to cry out for help.
These days, she felt more trapped than ever. She felt as if her life had reached a standstill, as if life would never be the same again. It was a trial to get up each morning and face the cold faces of her advisors and the ever present mountain of paperwork on her desk. The kingdom depended on her and she was honored to serve, but more often than ever, she found herself gazing wistfully out her small window at the fields of green stretching endlessly to the south and at the people coming to and from the castle. Secretly, she wished she were somewhere else, someone else. She missed the feeling of wind on her face. She missed the breathless excitement of traveling to a new land. She missed not feeling the burden of responsibility on her shoulders. Finally arriving at her bedroom, she hardly bothered to undress before casting herself into bed.
⎯
She was a little girl again. The sun was shining in a cloudless sky of cornflower blue, and the wind danced upon the grass. A breath of laughter floated towards her as two little boys ran toward her, beaming smiles upon their grimy faces. Her brothers! With a cry of excitement, she hopped up and dashed towards a copse of trees in the distance. She hadn't felt such joyful energy in years. All her troubles as queen were but a hazy memory as the wind whipped by her and her brothers yelled in stubborn pursuit. Finally, she reached the trees, grabbed ahold of a smooth trunk, and whipped around to face her brothers.
"Better luck next time!" She laughed.
Her brothers fell panting before her, dog tired, but smiling. For a moment, they all just sat there and looked around the sea of green. A small, fuzzy brown speck marked their home, where supper was waiting. For the next few hours, they played hide-and-seek amongst the trees and crawled in the grass, trying to find four-leaf clovers. Finally, the sun began to dip towards the horizon, and the sky became a pastel violet.
Her older brother stood up. "I'll race you home!"
Val was already running.
⎯
With a start, Val opened her eyes. After a few moments, she remembered where she was. The room was still dark, a hint of light just beginning to creep through her window. She stared up at the ceiling and thought about her dream. She thought about the days of green pastures, blue skies, and freedom. She thought about her life as queen—surrounded by paperwork, grave officials, and sleepless nights. All of a sudden, she knew what to do. Rising from bed, she dressed quickly and crept downstairs and through the silent corridors to the kitchen. She took only a few apples before slipping out the kitchen door and down the hall to the castle entrance. The guardsman standing outside turned as she walked out.
"May I ask where you're off to, your highness?"
"A quick morning stroll to clear the mind. I won't be long."
Before any more questions could be asked, she trotted quickly away down the path, shivering in the morning chill. She made for the stables on the east side of the castle grounds. The stableboy jumped as she burst in.
"Have my horse saddled immediately please. I'm going out."
The stableboy looked stunned, but did as she asked. A shade of doubt crossed her mind as she realized she was about to leave behind the last twenty years of her life and abandon all her duties as queen and protector of the people. However, she cast it aside angrily. Once her horse was ready, she leapt up and galloped straight to the eastern side door. To her relief, it was unlocked.
Laughing with joy, she rode into the golden sunrise.
As she shuffled along the pitch dark corridors she knew so well, her mind began to wander. Images of her childhood—40 years past now—danced through her mind. She recalled her brother's gentle teasing, her father's smiling face, swimming in the river, and the roar of the crowd as she looked upon them with a delicate golden crown nestled in her brown hair. She had been so excited and so innocent back then—hardly aware of the nauseating monotony of paperwork and meetings. As she reached the stairway, the walls seemed to close in. Her heart rate picked up as she imagined the feeling of being crushed between the cold stone walls of the hallway, unable to breath, to cry out for help.
These days, she felt more trapped than ever. She felt as if her life had reached a standstill, as if life would never be the same again. It was a trial to get up each morning and face the cold faces of her advisors and the ever present mountain of paperwork on her desk. The kingdom depended on her and she was honored to serve, but more often than ever, she found herself gazing wistfully out her small window at the fields of green stretching endlessly to the south and at the people coming to and from the castle. Secretly, she wished she were somewhere else, someone else. She missed the feeling of wind on her face. She missed the breathless excitement of traveling to a new land. She missed not feeling the burden of responsibility on her shoulders. Finally arriving at her bedroom, she hardly bothered to undress before casting herself into bed.
⎯
She was a little girl again. The sun was shining in a cloudless sky of cornflower blue, and the wind danced upon the grass. A breath of laughter floated towards her as two little boys ran toward her, beaming smiles upon their grimy faces. Her brothers! With a cry of excitement, she hopped up and dashed towards a copse of trees in the distance. She hadn't felt such joyful energy in years. All her troubles as queen were but a hazy memory as the wind whipped by her and her brothers yelled in stubborn pursuit. Finally, she reached the trees, grabbed ahold of a smooth trunk, and whipped around to face her brothers.
"Better luck next time!" She laughed.
Her brothers fell panting before her, dog tired, but smiling. For a moment, they all just sat there and looked around the sea of green. A small, fuzzy brown speck marked their home, where supper was waiting. For the next few hours, they played hide-and-seek amongst the trees and crawled in the grass, trying to find four-leaf clovers. Finally, the sun began to dip towards the horizon, and the sky became a pastel violet.
Her older brother stood up. "I'll race you home!"
Val was already running.
⎯
With a start, Val opened her eyes. After a few moments, she remembered where she was. The room was still dark, a hint of light just beginning to creep through her window. She stared up at the ceiling and thought about her dream. She thought about the days of green pastures, blue skies, and freedom. She thought about her life as queen—surrounded by paperwork, grave officials, and sleepless nights. All of a sudden, she knew what to do. Rising from bed, she dressed quickly and crept downstairs and through the silent corridors to the kitchen. She took only a few apples before slipping out the kitchen door and down the hall to the castle entrance. The guardsman standing outside turned as she walked out.
"May I ask where you're off to, your highness?"
"A quick morning stroll to clear the mind. I won't be long."
Before any more questions could be asked, she trotted quickly away down the path, shivering in the morning chill. She made for the stables on the east side of the castle grounds. The stableboy jumped as she burst in.
"Have my horse saddled immediately please. I'm going out."
The stableboy looked stunned, but did as she asked. A shade of doubt crossed her mind as she realized she was about to leave behind the last twenty years of her life and abandon all her duties as queen and protector of the people. However, she cast it aside angrily. Once her horse was ready, she leapt up and galloped straight to the eastern side door. To her relief, it was unlocked.
Laughing with joy, she rode into the golden sunrise.
Lightspeed Runner
by paperflowers
In 9th grade I wanted to be fast
so I got on the track and I ran and ran
and one day I ran 8 miles all at once
and the breath in my lungs came and went
and the iron in my blood dropped and dropped
and I was very woozy
for much of 9th grade
Then there was 10th grade
I didn’t even know a year could pass so fast
but it flew and flew like it was trying to finish 8 whole miles in a single sprint and in 10th grade I kissed a boy (bleh)
and I went to school and got my first B ever
and dad yelled at me and I cried and cried
and I had so much to do that I forgot the names of all my friends and then I remembered
but by then we were all stuck at home because of a pandemic
and I had little pixel people in little Zoom boxes to keep me company
When that happened, time was sticky for a little while.
It stuck to the corners of my house like tree sap
and when I touched it I froze like a mosquito in amber.
Then the record skipped
Summer blew through the house in a gust of hot wind
and tossed all my lecture notes onto the ground
and then it was fall
and now it is fall and school is here (but it’s online)
and I am so tired all the time because going to school on a computer 7 hours a day and doing homework on a computer
and clubs
and piano
and marching band
and college prep on a computer feels like running 8 miles all at once
So I run and I run
and my heart pounds against my rib cage
and my shoes beat against rubber
and someone cheers me on from the side of the track
but it’s just a girl on a computer screen and her voice falters as I begin the final
lap.
so I got on the track and I ran and ran
and one day I ran 8 miles all at once
and the breath in my lungs came and went
and the iron in my blood dropped and dropped
and I was very woozy
for much of 9th grade
Then there was 10th grade
I didn’t even know a year could pass so fast
but it flew and flew like it was trying to finish 8 whole miles in a single sprint and in 10th grade I kissed a boy (bleh)
and I went to school and got my first B ever
and dad yelled at me and I cried and cried
and I had so much to do that I forgot the names of all my friends and then I remembered
but by then we were all stuck at home because of a pandemic
and I had little pixel people in little Zoom boxes to keep me company
When that happened, time was sticky for a little while.
It stuck to the corners of my house like tree sap
and when I touched it I froze like a mosquito in amber.
Then the record skipped
Summer blew through the house in a gust of hot wind
and tossed all my lecture notes onto the ground
and then it was fall
and now it is fall and school is here (but it’s online)
and I am so tired all the time because going to school on a computer 7 hours a day and doing homework on a computer
and clubs
and piano
and marching band
and college prep on a computer feels like running 8 miles all at once
So I run and I run
and my heart pounds against my rib cage
and my shoes beat against rubber
and someone cheers me on from the side of the track
but it’s just a girl on a computer screen and her voice falters as I begin the final
lap.
As They Fade Away
by HLA
The black fingerprints marking the white canvas
By the entrance, under the family portrait,
Were two toddlers running in and out of the house,
Rubbing garden mud onto the fabric,
Laughing until we can’t breathe.
The blue box of cardgame on the cabinet,
Residing on top of countless abandoned toys,
Was millions of tantrums,
The digging my nails into his arms while crying, “You cheated! You liar! You pighead!”
The bright red rooster statue by the window,
A birthday gift from grandma,
Was my cursing and screaming at myself,
When I broke off its comb,
And grandma’s “it’s not a big deal don’t you cry!”
When I begged for her forgiveness.
-----------------
The cracks on my bedroom wall,
Lines climbing by my desk,
Was my ripping apart the white paint,
As I struggled to pronounce the foreign language,
When the English alphabets twisted
Into strings, tying around my tongue.
The hundreds of books,
Lining up on the shelves,
Were my fingers running through pages,
Their Chinese characters
Forming the vivid imageries in my mind,
That I knew will slip away once I leave.
The red pillow sheet,
With gold strings tracing into stars,
Was the stains of my tears,
The last marks I left behind,
The night before our plane departed for San Francisco.
-----------------
We’re late for the flight.
We have to go.
We’re riding business class, you’ll love it.
Come on, let’s go.
...
We’ll come back to visit,
I promise.
-----------------
And on the car ride to the airport,
Heading towards departure,
I bite down my lips and close my eyes, whispering, Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, As I watch my house fade away,
My childhood fade away,
My memories,
Rooster statue,
Cardgames,
Fingerprints...
By the entrance, under the family portrait,
Were two toddlers running in and out of the house,
Rubbing garden mud onto the fabric,
Laughing until we can’t breathe.
The blue box of cardgame on the cabinet,
Residing on top of countless abandoned toys,
Was millions of tantrums,
The digging my nails into his arms while crying, “You cheated! You liar! You pighead!”
The bright red rooster statue by the window,
A birthday gift from grandma,
Was my cursing and screaming at myself,
When I broke off its comb,
And grandma’s “it’s not a big deal don’t you cry!”
When I begged for her forgiveness.
-----------------
The cracks on my bedroom wall,
Lines climbing by my desk,
Was my ripping apart the white paint,
As I struggled to pronounce the foreign language,
When the English alphabets twisted
Into strings, tying around my tongue.
The hundreds of books,
Lining up on the shelves,
Were my fingers running through pages,
Their Chinese characters
Forming the vivid imageries in my mind,
That I knew will slip away once I leave.
The red pillow sheet,
With gold strings tracing into stars,
Was the stains of my tears,
The last marks I left behind,
The night before our plane departed for San Francisco.
-----------------
We’re late for the flight.
We have to go.
We’re riding business class, you’ll love it.
Come on, let’s go.
...
We’ll come back to visit,
I promise.
-----------------
And on the car ride to the airport,
Heading towards departure,
I bite down my lips and close my eyes, whispering, Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, As I watch my house fade away,
My childhood fade away,
My memories,
Rooster statue,
Cardgames,
Fingerprints...
Dreams
by Anna Dobbelare
Dreams
What are they?
What we wish to happen?
What we fear may not?
Missed opportunities.
Dreams come true
If you work hard.
Maybe that's true.
To be late,
To miss out
A popular fear.
To live in the moment
Easier said.
So, what are dreams?
What are they?
What we wish to happen?
What we fear may not?
Missed opportunities.
Dreams come true
If you work hard.
Maybe that's true.
To be late,
To miss out
A popular fear.
To live in the moment
Easier said.
So, what are dreams?
is white really clean?
by HLA
in all honesty
no.
in my case
I was on the platform,
under the grey, dreary sky,
watching the dirty cotton clouds puff out of the train’s chimney.
I heard
the train starts
where everything is white:
white noise, white buildings, white floors.
why does
watching people
being taken away,
on that emotionless engine,
leave a bitter metallic taste
in my mouth?
hasn’t anyone noticed
that they never come back?
…
mother told us things
that other kids were never told.
when we tried to sneak out
we’d get scolded
because she said
we can’t know too much.
not like her.
we’d become dirty.
district 3 doesn’t like dirty people.
they visited our residence,
dressed in a shining white,
--blending in with the walls, the furniture-- and told us:
mother was going to move.
district 3 doesn’t like dirty people.
and so, Mother
went onto the train.
they gave her a white blanket,
which they placed on her head,
for warmth on her journey, they said. did I mention she was sleeping?
They gave her a single,
white
spider lily,
quickly stained by red,
because it was her favorite flower, they said.
that was wrong.
mother likes the colorful bouquets that father used to tell stories about
district 3,
was once again clean.
...
winter came.
brother was now the one
to take care of me.
brother was just like Mother.
no going out after coming back from school. normal.
don’t cross the fence.
normal.
don’t trust them.
when they come and patrol
make sure
you are asleep.
they are red for a reason.
brother spewed nonsense.
just like Mother.
I guess Brother is dirty.
...
with bare hands,
we dug our way through
the pure white abyss,
but the snow was never ending.
at one point,
brother and I diverged
from our shared path,
each going our own ways.
I traced back
to the fork in our original path.
I glanced down Brother’s tunnel; along the walls of snow were red flicks, like the lint of a scarf.
although,
a much brighter shade than the scarf he wore.
I would have walked down Brother’s tunnel until they came up to me,
seeming to materialize out of thin air. there were two of them,
not in the pure white
they usually wear
but with tinges of vermillion. so that’s why they’re red.
they beckoned me over to them.
brother was right all along
the normal phrases he used
to mask the words he only told me, the words which held the truth.
…
in this cold, dark,
yet white,
room
they keep me in,
I’m all alone.
besides the fact
that they are still watching me
outside the heavy, steel door,
monitoring my every move.
not that I can move.
they changed
from the sporadically scattered
red and white uniform
to a more
solid
mahogany one.
I used to wonder
what dye they use.
they needed to clean District 3 up, because this time
I was dirty.
...
I never saw
what the train looked like
on the day of my departure.
I imagine it was the same as ever: dark and emotionless,
heading into the endless void of mist. I’m sorry Mother and Brother,
that I was so late to departure.
if I had known sooner,
if I had known what they had done to you, I would’ve boarded that train earlier.
although I was late,
at least I hadn’t missed the train, unlike the rest of the people
in District 3.
maybe everyone will realize
before the next train comes.
but for now
it’s over.
after my departure,
district 3 was clean,
white buildings, white floors, white noise.
no.
in my case
I was on the platform,
under the grey, dreary sky,
watching the dirty cotton clouds puff out of the train’s chimney.
I heard
the train starts
where everything is white:
white noise, white buildings, white floors.
why does
watching people
being taken away,
on that emotionless engine,
leave a bitter metallic taste
in my mouth?
hasn’t anyone noticed
that they never come back?
…
mother told us things
that other kids were never told.
when we tried to sneak out
we’d get scolded
because she said
we can’t know too much.
not like her.
we’d become dirty.
district 3 doesn’t like dirty people.
they visited our residence,
dressed in a shining white,
--blending in with the walls, the furniture-- and told us:
mother was going to move.
district 3 doesn’t like dirty people.
and so, Mother
went onto the train.
they gave her a white blanket,
which they placed on her head,
for warmth on her journey, they said. did I mention she was sleeping?
They gave her a single,
white
spider lily,
quickly stained by red,
because it was her favorite flower, they said.
that was wrong.
mother likes the colorful bouquets that father used to tell stories about
district 3,
was once again clean.
...
winter came.
brother was now the one
to take care of me.
brother was just like Mother.
no going out after coming back from school. normal.
don’t cross the fence.
normal.
don’t trust them.
when they come and patrol
make sure
you are asleep.
they are red for a reason.
brother spewed nonsense.
just like Mother.
I guess Brother is dirty.
...
with bare hands,
we dug our way through
the pure white abyss,
but the snow was never ending.
at one point,
brother and I diverged
from our shared path,
each going our own ways.
I traced back
to the fork in our original path.
I glanced down Brother’s tunnel; along the walls of snow were red flicks, like the lint of a scarf.
although,
a much brighter shade than the scarf he wore.
I would have walked down Brother’s tunnel until they came up to me,
seeming to materialize out of thin air. there were two of them,
not in the pure white
they usually wear
but with tinges of vermillion. so that’s why they’re red.
they beckoned me over to them.
brother was right all along
the normal phrases he used
to mask the words he only told me, the words which held the truth.
…
in this cold, dark,
yet white,
room
they keep me in,
I’m all alone.
besides the fact
that they are still watching me
outside the heavy, steel door,
monitoring my every move.
not that I can move.
they changed
from the sporadically scattered
red and white uniform
to a more
solid
mahogany one.
I used to wonder
what dye they use.
they needed to clean District 3 up, because this time
I was dirty.
...
I never saw
what the train looked like
on the day of my departure.
I imagine it was the same as ever: dark and emotionless,
heading into the endless void of mist. I’m sorry Mother and Brother,
that I was so late to departure.
if I had known sooner,
if I had known what they had done to you, I would’ve boarded that train earlier.
although I was late,
at least I hadn’t missed the train, unlike the rest of the people
in District 3.
maybe everyone will realize
before the next train comes.
but for now
it’s over.
after my departure,
district 3 was clean,
white buildings, white floors, white noise.
Lost in Time
by Anna Dobbelare
Reminiscence of the past
Wishes to relive and revive
Wishes to live
A song, a smell, a feeling
Takes me back
Where am I now?
Lost in memories
Deep breath
Fresh, cool air fills my lungs
Blanketed by a dark sky
Lights and lights and lights so far away
Out of reach
How many, many days?
And yet, it feels like yesterday
And yet, I wish it were tomorrow
Take me back
Wishes to return
But do I really?
Wishes to continue
Wishes to remain
Fear of what it was
Fear of what is to come
I don't want it to change
I don't want it to stay the same
Where am I now?
Wishes to relive and revive
Wishes to live
A song, a smell, a feeling
Takes me back
Where am I now?
Lost in memories
Deep breath
Fresh, cool air fills my lungs
Blanketed by a dark sky
Lights and lights and lights so far away
Out of reach
How many, many days?
And yet, it feels like yesterday
And yet, I wish it were tomorrow
Take me back
Wishes to return
But do I really?
Wishes to continue
Wishes to remain
Fear of what it was
Fear of what is to come
I don't want it to change
I don't want it to stay the same
Where am I now?
a day at the beach
by Sarah Yun
a sapphire pool glistens in the sunlight
seagulls fly with all their might
tiny brown flecks dot your hair
the wind whispers softly in your ear
a golden orb lights up your face
worries disappear without a trace
seagulls fly with all their might
tiny brown flecks dot your hair
the wind whispers softly in your ear
a golden orb lights up your face
worries disappear without a trace
Metro Station
by Sarah Yun
[train station]
splish. splash. splish. splash.
a shower of crystal-clear orbs float down
from the thick sheet of soft, blanket-like clouds.
warm breath meets crisp, frigid air
a shroud of fog embraces the atmosphere.
lines and lines of people snake out of gray, worn-down buildings
cool air weaves in and out of knitted sweaters
ears and noses turn a light shade of pink
and in the midst of all this
a single pair of bright yellow rainboots skip across the station
a girl sings to herself
and a whisper of a smile creeps across her face.
splish. splash. splish. splash.
a shower of crystal-clear orbs float down
from the thick sheet of soft, blanket-like clouds.
warm breath meets crisp, frigid air
a shroud of fog embraces the atmosphere.
lines and lines of people snake out of gray, worn-down buildings
cool air weaves in and out of knitted sweaters
ears and noses turn a light shade of pink
and in the midst of all this
a single pair of bright yellow rainboots skip across the station
a girl sings to herself
and a whisper of a smile creeps across her face.